English Goddamn Muffins
Sometimes I’m in the mood for a breakfasty carbohydrate with my morning tea. Or perhaps I want to make a full-on Eggs Benedict. Well, I’m gonna need some English goddamn muffins, aren’t I? And of course, being the foodie douchebag that I am, I’m too good for those plebian store-bought kind that come in a cardboard box and some plastic. So, I make my own. Like Christ fucking intended.
There are basically two different methods of making English muffins. There’s the Alton Brown method, which is almost a quickbread and more similar to the store-bought variety and then there’s the more traditional method, which is more like an actual bread than a muffin. I prefer the latter.
Here’s what you’re gonna need.
- 1/3 cup milk
- 1 tsp sugar
- 1 tsp active dry yeast
- 3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F)
- 2 tbsp unsalted butter
- 2 cups bread flour
- 1/4 tsp salt
Most recipes start with scalding the milk. However, it’s already pasteurized so I usually ignore that. There’s some speculation about how scalding may alter particular proteins in milk, but I’m pretty sure that would have already taken place in the pasteurization process. I do still proof my yeast sometimes, it seems to help a bit. So, heat your water to about 110F and combine that with the yeast and sugar.
In a large bowl, combine the milk, yeast mixture, butter and most of the flour, leaving about a half cup. Beat until smooth. Add salt and enough of the remaining flour to get it to the ‘soft dough’ stage. It should be tacky, but not sticky. The exact amount of flour will vary based on how dense your flour is and what the humidity is like in your house. Knead or toss in a Kitchenaide if you’ve got one for about 10 minutes. Place in greased bowl and either let it rise for a couple hours, or overnight in the fridge.
Punch down. Roll out to about 1/2 inch thick. Cut rounds with biscuit cutter, drinking glass, empty cat food tin or something. Sprinkle waxed paper with cornmeal and set the rounds on this to rise. Dust tops of muffins with cornmeal also. Cover and let rise for about 45 minutes.
Cook muffins on a griddle about 15 minutes on each side on medium-low heat. If you have an electric griddle, set it to 300F. Keep baked muffins in a warm oven until all have been cooked. Allow to cool and place in plastic bags for storage. Split and toast them as you usually would. They’re awesome with butter and jam, sometimes butter and Marmite.